Lacrimosa
by TheVampireLucinda
Summary: Tanahashi and Nakamura reflect on the past, thousands of miles away. One-shot. Complete. Slash!


**Title** : Lacrimosa

 **Author** : TheVampireLucinda

 **Featuring** : Hiroshi Tanahashi/Shinsuke Nakamura

 **Disclaimer** : Semi-slash. Is that a thing? I think that's a thing. Rated T.

 **Summary** : Tanahashi and Nakamura reflect on the past, thousands of miles away. One-shot. Complete.

* * *

I never thought I'd miss you _this_ much.

Oh, I knew I'd miss you when you left, of course. You are my other half...my _better_ half, even if we could never spend too much time together without fighting or falling in love. (Both of which were too dangerous for people like us.)

I was so _jealous_ of you...and I loved you so much. You drove me to be better. To be the best version of me. I owe you... _everything_.

I hope that I gave you something that you could value in return, even if it was only something small and insignificant like love.

((()))

I've learned that life goes in cycles.

Together, apart, together, apart.

Win, lose, win, lose.

Love, hate, love, hate...

We're old now, aren't we? All these years of fighting haven't been for nothing, have they? We've changed so much.

I know how to feel, these days, much better than I did when we were young.

Sorry.

I still don't know where I am on the cycle.

Love or hate?

I know what— _who_ —I love. But you defy all categories. I can't look at you without feeling a sense of longing and loss; without feeling indignant and angry and proud and happy all at once.

I wish I could change who I am.

That imaginary version of me would run to you, and in a heartbeat tell you that I loved you.

The current me cannot do such a thing.

At least not yet.

But, if not now... _when_?

((()))

I can feel the distance between us.

I watch all of your matches and I feel a twinge of pain. You are still so beautiful.

That's what I noticed about you, first, so long ago. Beautiful, and so very strong.

 _Amazed_ is the word. I was amazed by you. I never told you, but I almost lost my focus forever, in those initial moments. I would have given up anything, everything, to be with you.

But you were like a star in the sky—burning hot, and completely unreachable. I watched you shine, and I watched my own dim glow, and I forced myself to shine just as brightly as you did.

You said that we were not rivals, but I find that hard to fathom. You were my best and greatest challenge, and I...I _feasted_ on our rivalry. It gave me energy and so much... What was that word you used?

Ah, yes. _Heat_. Our fights have me heat. You have me heat. We were burning ourselves for years, still burning ourselves to nothing even today.

It's really cold over here without you.

((()))

I'm afraid.

Afraid that no one's going to satisfy me.

Yes, of course, in _that_ way, I'll be fine. And, honestly, in _that_ way, we were only... _okay_. Like, it wasn't the _best_ I'd ever had. Sorry, Tana. That honor goes to Okada and Devitt.

But in the heat of battle, with our blood pumping, you were the best.

My best.

And so, I fear that no one will even come close. I've had a lot of fun, but no true challenge yet.

No one is like you. Not there, not here.

Maybe I'm more sad than afraid.

Perhaps if I look into the Sun long enough, I'll see your face once more.

((()))

I blamed you, long ago, but it was never your fault.

This time, however, it _is_ your fault.

I somewhat hate you, these days.

And you're still a cry baby. You cry all the time. I...used to see it and not know what to do. Now that I understand, you're half a world away.

Life is...strange.

I'm sure you blame me too, in some ways. I deserve it.

Let's blame each other. Let's hate each other. Let's fight until we're both bleeding and sore.

Whatever we do, I just want to do it with you.

And the fact that I can't is the reason that there are tears in my eyes as I stare up at the stars...

Those damn shimmering stars that remind me so much of you.

* * *

 _Fin._

 _I'm telling you...OTP status right here!_

 _Review?_


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